Nadia, det kan være at du har kræft. 

Jeg vælger at lave dette opslag på dansk, da det er lidt nemmere for mig.. Måske er det faktisk sværere da jeg har alle ordene på engelsk i hovedet men jeg prøver. 
Jeg fik for nyligt en ret udslående besked smækket i fjæset.
Jeg har de sidste par måneder jo gået til undersøgelser på bløderafdelingen på mit hospital da de mistænker blødersygdom, grundet tidligere historik.. Først, testede de for von willebrands, som så positiv ud og blev oprindeligt “diagnosticerede” for det, men efter grundigere tjek kan de se at mine tal i stedet for at være for lave ved VW simpelthen er alt alt for høje. 

De har så taget nogle fancy tests, for at tjekke nogle andre ting – negativ. Jeg har de sidste par måneder simpelthen været en stikkedukke og ikke nok med det så er mit jern så lavt og jeg optager ikke pillerne så jeg er nødt til at have det i drop.. Great. 

Nu tester de for mine blodplader, og oveni det fandt de ud af at mine neutrophils er alt for høje.. 
For høje neutrophils kan betyde to ting – en sygdom hvor jeg er i risiko for blodpropper samt slagtilfælde, ELLER kronisk leukæmi (CLM). 

Ganske udslående, og totalt uventet, for hvordan lever man med leukæmi? Heldigvis har hun forsikret mig om, at HVIS udfaldet skulle være CLM, ja så kan jeg stadig leve et forholdsvis normalt liv på medicin.. Men helt ærligt, hvordan forventer de at man som høj gravid kvinde ikke bliver skrækslagen ved sådan en besked? 

Jeg vil opdatere på mine prøver når jeg får svar efter nytår, og indtil da krydser vi fingre hår og tæer for at det “bare” viser sig at være en scare.. Indtil da vil jeg forsøge at nyde det resterende af min graviditet, og min lille familie, få det sidste af baby ting hjem, og ordnet de sidste ting der nu skal ordnes inden lille Hope kommer. 
Jeg håber i har haft en dejlig anden juledag 🙂 ❤

When karma hits

I’ve gotten the question before “how can you live with yourself Nadia, after what you’ve done?”.. Truth is, you can’t.. It’s sits in you, but I’ve tried to change it… I’ve been committing fraud, no secret, therefore I’ve inflicted harm on others, and that I cannot live with, I was that person, but I’m not anymore.. I regret it terribly, and I’ve paid for it. 

I know now how it feels to loose everything, to have something taken from you.. Before I was the one that took things from people that did not belong to me.

Because of that, I ended up without a home, and without my son.. I ended up without money and food, I ended up without water. All of the basic things in life was taken from me in a snatch, and that taught me something. 

Unfortunately I was greedy and that was why I did it, i did let money control me, and it was an easy way, with no “consequences” I thought. 

Would I go back in time in order to change it? Defenently! But I can’t.. I can thank God, for showing me forgiveness and mercy, and despite the things that I’ve done to other people thank him for giving me food and shelter again, I can wholeheartedly promise that I will absolutely not make the same stupid mistake i did in my past. 

Stomach flu and Alcatraz

Well, i wanted to make this blog post in the weekend after being on alcatraz, but i was down with a horrible stomach flu that’s on return now, so instead i’m making it now.

 

On Saturday we went to alcatraz which was an amazing experience.. I’ve always wanted to go there, and i finally had the chance due to our shelter getting us tickets for it, yay!

 

We started out by going to pier 39 and watching the sealions, since we haven’t seen them either after getting here, and i’ll tell you people, they are so cute! Please go there if you go to SF, it is an awesome experience in itself to watch them, especially if you’re an animal lover.

After that we went over and picked up our tickets, and sat down and got something to eat, before going on the boat.

 

The boat ride itself only takes between 12 and 15 minutes, so it wasn’t the worst, and the boatride is very very beautiful.

Alcatraz island, is a very interesting place, with a lot of history, and a lot of mixed energies.

We decided only to see the cellblock since the walk was too hard for me, and i wouldn’t be able to walk up those hills.. The hills are equal to a 13 story building, just so you know if you decide to go there.. Luckily there’s a TRAM, which is a little train car thingy that takes you up the hill, if you’re either disabled or pregnant, so that was our luck, and the ride itself takes about 5 minutes.

 

When you go on the tour in the cellblock, you’ll receive a pair of headphones and a case with a tape, and that’s your tourguide.. It is an audiotour, and yes it may sound boring, but the sound effects on the tape, makes it a whole other experience than if it was just a tour guide.. They are very good at explaining and guiding, and it is a very fun experience.

 

I will definitely recommend the tour, if you as me like history.. The only downside, is that you only see one floor of the cell block, so you don’t see the hospital wing or anything else.

 

 

Pregnancy update:

I am now 34+6 days along, and time is moving even more fast now.. Thursday i’m going in for my first round of IV iron, and after that an ultrasound.. On the 18th i have my hematology appointment, and my OB is trying to push my epidural appointment to December instead of January since she doesn’t expect the baby to stay in for too much longer. It is very very interesting to see when she decides to see the world 🙂

 

 

Couples therapy

Well, let me start out by saying that Jeremy and I, really do not have any major problems in our relationship, and we have a quiet strong bond between one another.

 

So why have we chosen couples therapy?

Well, first of all when you’re in a situation like we’ve been, being homeless getting into a shelter, etc. there might be things that you need to talk about, in a free secure space where you wont get mad, and where you have a mediator to help and guide and understand.

We have chosen couples therapy, so we can communicate a little better, since that’s our biggest problem.. He reacts in one way, for example by saying not so nice names, and i react by walking away from the argument which is not so good either.

Couples therapy is also good, now that we have a little one on the way, to help and guide with how to react as parents, since we’re two completely different people in that department.. Jeremy is a little bit afraid of his anger, especially after that one incident with his son, and that is something that he really want’s to work on.. Also, i am very soft as a parent, and do value the attachment parenting a little more than him, as he is very strict in his parenting, and therefore we need to find a fine balance, between being too soft and too hard. To support Jeremy extra he has also chosen individual therapy which he is very happy about, and i am very proud of him being able to acknowledge that he needs some guidance.

 

We had our first session Yesterday, and our therapist is awesome.. We will as we get further into the therapy update more about that.

 

Tomorrow, we’re going to alcatraz and will make a little post about that.

 

Have a lovely night.

 

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Welcome to our blog

 

We have thought about this for a little while now, whether to start a kind of ”couples” blog, or to keep my individual blog, and we’ve decided to go ahead with the couples.

Both of us are going to write on the blog, maybe mainly me since Jeremy is not so used to blogging – he is going to learn though.

Anyways, a little background on us.

I am 22 years old, Danish and known from the young mothers Denmark.

Jeremy is 38 years old, formerly homeless and a recovering addict.

I have a son, named Kyle and Jeremy has three kids ages from 1-11 years old.

Unfortunately he doesn’t see any of the kids, due to private circumstances.

Recently Jeremy’s youngest daughter went to foster care, due to mother lack of ability to take care of her, which was very unfortunate.. They wanted Jeremy to step in, but our situation at the time, was not stable and we did not want to risk her getting even more damaged due to our lack of resources, so he unfortunately had to turn it down.

I myself, have finally started talking to my beautiful son again, and boy it is amazing! To talk to him, and see the light in his eyes, and hearing him telling me that he loves me, is absolutely fantastic.

I was awfully afraid that he had forgotten about me, but he for sure hasn’t and that gives me the fire to fight that much harder now.

To our situation..

We are living in transitional living/shelter living.. They call it shelter, but it is more of a transitional living, as you have your own room and bathroom..

I’ve now heard and seen a lot of people that says ”oh, but you’re still homeless, cause you live in a shitty shelter, with a bunch of other homeless people”.. Well, let me tell you this – it is very rare that you get into a shelter and get your own room and bathroom, and that we are superly grateful for! For a normal Danish person, a room and a bathroom is not much, and might seem ”shitty” but for us it is a lot, and it is definitely a new chance to get back on our feet and get stable.

Let me try and explain how the setting is here.. The place is an old hotel, converted into permanent living for formerly homeless individuals and then up to 20 families.

The families here, are very very sweet and the kids are the best! Kids here, are actually happy, clean and very polite.

We look out for each other here, and the best thing here is that there is absolutely no judgement, cause we all have a similar situation.

The shelter it self has a lot of events that they are sending their families to.

They have holiday events and access to tickets that we most likely would not be able to afford ourselves.. They have sponsors that funds christmas gifts, and christmas parties, and they have some damn good case managers, that is on top of things here and doing everything they can to help their clients.

To the pregnancy..

I am 34 weeks preggo today, and now i can feel the time ticking.

I am sore, and i sleep like crap but god i am excited to meet our little daughter.

She is quite a bit above schedule, so i have another growth ultrasound on the 14th of December, and if she’s still growing rapidly then they are going to induce the labor to give me a chance to give birth vaginally.

Unfortunately they just found out that i have a bleeding disorder that they need to figure out, since they do not know what it is, and on top of that i have iron deficiency so i need to go in once a week for IV iron.

Today is Wednesday  so today there’s food pantry in the kitchen, and another holiday party later… I am deffo going for the food!

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